Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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