addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
