I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
