I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
