i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
