Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
