I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
