i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
