nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
