bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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