drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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