But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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