Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
