Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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