apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
