The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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