i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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