I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
