saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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