It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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