just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
