I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
