Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
