His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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