what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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