I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
