HIV tests are more positive than that guy
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
