I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
