Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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