I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
this hospital has no fireball
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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