My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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