Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
