i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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