Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
