if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
