I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
