it hurts more in the daytime
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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