and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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