'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
