so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
