he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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