You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
