if you like me you must not know who I am
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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