Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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