Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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