I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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