Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
