Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
