She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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