my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
